Innovations Roadmap #7

Major [mey-jer]

Noun

1. A subject or field of study chosen by a student to represent his or her principal interest and upon which a large share of his or her efforts are concentrated.

2. A student engaged in such study

TOPIC: What is your major and why did you pick it?

I am a double major in Japanese and linguistics, TESOL track. I usually do not specify which track of linguistics I’m taking, because most people I’ve met either 1) don’t care or 2) don’t know what TESOL is and kind of nod and say, “Oh, that’s nice!” There are a few who are thinking, “Hey, that’s awesome! And interesting! Why did you pick those two majors?”

I picked Japanese because I’m very passionate about the culture, history, and language of Japan, and I always take care to stress this. I’ve had negative experiences before when I said my major was Japanese in high school. For some reason, everyone immediately thought I was into Japanese because of the anime. I have a much stronger reason for studying Japanese. I want to be able to talk to the Japanese side of my family. One of the things on my bucket list is to live in Japan, and I don’t want to seem like I’m a Westerner whose only knowledge of Japan comes from anime. I have a huge respect for Japan. By being a Japanese major, I can study more about the culture, language, and history and find a greater appreciation for it. I’ve been to Japan a few times, usually to visit family, and each time I go, I find something else beautiful about this country. I’ve been to Kanazawa several times and there’s always a trip to the Kenrokuen, one of the three great gardens of Japan. I found a statue I hadn’t seen before.

Kenrokuen Gardens. One of my better pictures.

My last trip to Japan was two years ago. I organized where I wanted to go based on the history of certain cities. Hiroshima, Kyoto, and Nara were the three new cities I went to for the history and the temples. Seeing these beautiful places and how they’re preserved inspired awe. I also went to visit my family and friends in Toyama, Osaka, Tokyo, and Kanazawa. I became painfully aware that I could not let my mom translate everything for me. I wanted to be able to talk to my family and friends myself. There was this sense of connection I wanted with them. It was during this last trip when I decided I wanted to be a Japanese major in college, so I could study Japan and find new things to enjoy whenever I go back. I wanted to be able to pursue my knowledge of the language so I could talk to my family, but also to study Japan’s rich history and culture.

Genbaku Dome in Hiroshima

Kinkakuji in Kyoto

Suzaku-mon in Nara

Kaminari-mon in Asakusa (Tokyo)

I think I forgot to mention the food is delicious. I love the food, too.

My interest in linguistics likely starts with my first Japanese teacher. We called her Q-sensei. She left my school because she got a new teaching position that had to do with teaching special needs children speech. She’d tell us about this sometimes, when we asked why she looked so tired. Her talking about it planted the seeds. As time passed, I began to think more and more about language acquisition, particularly in adults. I already knew babies were capable of all sounds up until a little less than a year old, but I wanted to know how to teach adults a second language. My interested in ESL education must be from my mother and a group of family friends in Florida. The mothers of my close group of friends were all Japanese. They learned English as a second language. They used to joke about how I should learn Japanese, because they would inevitably revert back to Japanese when they became grandmas. This got me thinking. How did adults learn a second language? What does their brain do?

I never, ever would have picked the linguistics major at the University of Utah if it did not offer the TESOL track. If it were just linguistics and the study of, I would have stuck with Japanese and found myself another major to pair it with. But the U did have TESOL- Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages- and I thought, “That’s it, I’m a linguistics major.” I want to teach English. I’m doing volunteer work teaching English to refugees, but I want to be able to do it in a classroom setting, with late teens to early adults, and possibly even adults. I would never have been a linguistics major if that separate track did not exist. I probably would’ve been a Chinese or psychology major. That’s going to be an entirely different story, though. For now, I’m proud of being a Japanese and linguistics double major because it’s something that I’m curious and connected to. 

Progress!

I promise that Wednesday I will talk about my vegetarian diet. Promise. I may have a new (vegetarian!) recipe to share! Your waiting will not be in vain. I think Wednesday I'll talk about a cupcake pattern I tried out today, share the frosting I used for that (I had to adapt the one given to me), and possibly share a recipe using tofurky. I went to Trader Joe's and bought myself some to make spaghetti, you see. While I was at Trader Joe's, I had a bit of an epiphany. I don't miss meat. Not as much as I thought I would. I do, however, miss seafood. I wanted to pick up some salmon while at TJ, but I didn't because that fish would just sit in my freezer for a few weeks. Oh, well.

"But what's this progress you mention in your title?" you ask. I'm getting there! Just went on a bit of a tangent, that's all. My progress is actually related to my crochet/knit projects! Did you expect differently? I've got a few finished projects. One has been finished since the beginning of January, the others finished only recently. Here we are:

The Triumph Cable Scarf from Smariek Knits

I churned this one out in about nine days. I started on January 9th, finished January 14th. I honestly thought it would take longer because of the cables... But it didn't! This is a beautiful pattern for the scarf. It's a part of Smariek's series of cable scarves. I recommend checking out the rest of the series. The scarves are absolutely gorgeous.

Dog Blanket

One of the two blankets I made for my dogs. The blankets were stashbusting projects, in truth. It works, though! Acrylic yarn is best for my dogs, because Joey occasionally throws up while in his cage. It needs to be something that is easy to wash, yet look attractive at the same time. I have to figure out which blanket to give to which dog... The star blanket didn't turn out quite as large as I'd hoped and this blanket can work for either dog. We'll see!

Same as Seven by Caitlin ffrench

This took a little while to make because it was initially only worked on while I was riding the bus to volunteer work and during periods where it would be impossible for me to bring a larger project. Towards the end, I powered through this. I used Caron Simply Soft, and I'm extremely fond of the colors. It was very simple and enjoyable to make.

Penny Arcade Jacket by Vickie Howell

I need to get more yarn for this project, but I got all of this from three balls of Red Heart Simply Soft. My gauge isn't quite right, so I found, much to my shock, I'm making a size large using the size medium instructions. Note to self: If using the same hooks, work the pattern smaller to get the correct size. 

Seven and Zero by Caitlin ffrench

Another cute triangle scarf pattern by Caitlin ffrench! According to her, 'Same as Seven' is the same as 'Seven and Zero', minus the holes. I wanted to make this one because it looks a little more feminine, and I needed another stashbusting project. I'm a huge fan of the blue/white of this scarf. 

Donald Duck Blanket

This is my mom's birthday blanket! I alluded to this before, remember? Well, I'm almost done with the second 'oh boy'. I'm hoping this will be finished by my mom's birthday. You can see the slight differences in color at the top... this is because I thought all the light blue I had would be similar. Dye lots are extremely important. I don't particular;y care because it gives this blanket a little quirk. I ended up using the baggies to hold tiny balls of yarn because that got tangled, fast. I had a huge pile of yarn while trying to do the color work at first. I became frustrated and started using the baggies instead. It works like a charm. 

There is my progress for the week!

Innovations Roadmap #6

Self

(Noun, plural selves, adjective, pronoun, plural selves, verb)

noun

1. a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality

2. a person’s nature, character, etc.

3. personal interests.

4. Philosophy

     a. the ego; that which knows, remembers, desires, suffers, etc., as contrasted with      that known, remembered, etc.

     b. the uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience

Topic: Know thyself!

This topic is a little broad, I think, but how hard can it be to talk about myself? The simple answer to that: it’s hard. I hold a different view of myself than other people, and I know what I think of myself most of the time is a result of my low self-esteem. But recently, I’ve had so many experiences recently where people are telling how great or nice or funny I am. There’s that concept of because the majority saying it, it must be true. Not to say that I let my mind be easily influenced! However, with people who don’t talk to me all that often and people who live with me, it has weight.

This is about what I think of myself, though. Not what others think of me. My low self-esteem results in calling myself a horrible person, that I’m lazy, uninspired, unintelligent (the word ‘smart’ actually makes me cringe a little, which I’ll explain later), uncreative, and bland. My opinion of myself is vastly different than what others think of me. During my good days- there are plenty of good days- I know I am the person everyone says I am. I am sweet and caring. I value others’ opinions. I try to help as best as I can to those I know, then those I don’t. I am a hard worker. Some of my roommates tell me they wish they were like me because of how diligent I am with homework. I don’t put things off, and they find it admirable. When I am given responsibility, I’ll see it through, and it I can’t, I find ways to make it up.

For a class, I took a Strengths Finder 2.0 quiz. It’s from Tom Rath, and the point of the quiz is to find what makes someone a good leader and help them develop those traits into a force, instead of focusing solely on lacking traits. I think this is a very good strategy, because in areas you are lacking, someone else can fill in. My ‘Top 5’ were Intellection, Learner, Context, Empathy, and Responsibility. With Context, I use past actions (‘blueprints,’ if you will) to make my decisions. The past gives something to build off of, and it’s a nice way to see what may have gone wrong and how to fix it. Empathy is easy to understand. Intellection is thinking. I must be able to think, contemplate, and solve a problem in solitude a majority of the time. Learner means I have a thirst for knowledge. I will always be willing learn more about a subject. Responsibility is something I explained earlier. I will commit to a project and will find a way to make it up to the person. The Strengths Finder quiz is accurate in many cases about me. Those five traits together sound like a ‘passive leader,’ which I’m perfectly okay being. I haven’t yet developed the confidence to stand in front, but I am learning. I will always be learning.

Probably for some more superficial things: I love to knit and crochet. It’s extremely soothing for me. The fact I can look at something and think I created thathas helped boost my self-esteem a few times. I like to bake and cook. I find it really hard to be angry while baking, because I’m of the belief that my mindset will affect how the food tastes. Food isn’t an exact science. There’s the freedom to experiment with it, and emotional state can affect the way you experiment. I love to write. I’m a writer and I like to plan my stories. I don’t put any strict boundaries on my stories until it’s well into the middle. The reason why may be because I like to let my mind amok for a little bit before I rein it in and start setting important details to stone. There’s nothing wrong with a little trial and error. If something doesn’t come out right the first time, find a way to adjust. Reading is a passion of mine from which writing extends. There’s a certain trait in books that makes getting lost in a new world, sympathizing with new characters, and becoming emotionally involved enchanting. It’s something I’ve experienced since childhood.

If I know anything, it is this: that I will always treasure reading as what makes me, me. From books, my whole self grows. Cook books, how-to-knit/crochet books, dictionaries, thesauruses, fantasy stories, fiction stories. Those are some of the few books I like to delve into and get lost in. I want to be like a character, I want to make those delicious food items I see in cookbooks, I want to make those beautiful yarn items, I want to write my own book. Everything about me is related in some way to the written word. Books are the most important foundation of my life.

A Confession of Sorts

I'm sure you'd much rather hear me talk about my vegetarian 30 day challenge, but this is actually something I want to talk about.

Today, for my Innovations Roadmap class, I had to give a presentation about a problem and how it's connected to me. My problem statement (after my teacher amended it) is "Knitting/crocheting is an undervalued tool in helping with mental disorders." I then had to explain why this was important to me. My teacher stresses that the personal connection is important because you need the connection if you kind of lose track. This was the hardest thing for me to do. I've got the mindset that I need to deal with problems on my own and that no one else cares about it. Telling people why knitting/crocheting and mental health is connected made me extremely nervous.

It didn't help that for the past few weeks, I haven't been feeling very confident in my problem statement and coming up with a 'valid' connection. Today, I got up there and explained why this problem is important to me. I picked up knitting when I was 12 because I was bored. In high school, it morphed into a coping mechanism for stress. I had an on and off relationship with high school. In college, it became the coping mechanism for extreme stress, anxiety, and depression. I am prone to anxiety and stress, so that was nothing new. But there's a unique thing in Utah that I didn't have to experience before.

Snow storms that block out the sky and the sun. Sickening fog that does the same thing. It is entirely possible to not be able to see the sun for a while. I've lived in sunny places for my entire life, with little cloud coverage. There was one week in particular where I didn't see the sun. One whole week without the sun and blue sky. My mood plummeted. That one week, I was seriously depressed, and refused to tell anyone but Nate about it because of the aforementioned reason. I thought I needed to remain strong because society didn't want a weak individual. My self-esteem suffered, my attention span shrunk miserably, and I found it hard to get up in the morning. I starved myself as best as I could without my roommates noticing. I self-harmed a little. I contemplated suicide once or twice because I would've have to deal with all the stress anymore. The thing that kept me from doing anything too distract was knitting. I got lost in it and kept away the 'cycle of rumination.'

I admitted to my Innovations Roadmap class I may have a form of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder. As the name says, it's seasonal. Mine may occur during winter because of the cloud coverage in Utah. I can't say for a fact that I have this disorder for sure because in order to be diagnosed with it, I need to experience symptoms for two consecutive years. That's the thing with depression. So this disorder, my stress, my anxiety, is my connection to my problem. I admitted this in a wavering voice to the people that lives in the same wing as me. I admitted this after saying last week I was afraid of talking in class because I didn't want to be judged (and be considered weak, hypocrite, that sort of thing).

The response? My teacher said I was brave for admitting this sort of thing.

When I got back to my room, I found nothing but support. Kristan and Olivia who live next door said they liked my presentation, and Kristan offered a solution with Vitamin D pills, which is what the pituitary gland needs and gets from sun exposure. I bought some of those pills while I was at the store earlier and laughed when I saw them called the 'sunshine pill.' They also said I could come over to their room any time and chill with them and bake. It was such a nice offer, because I love baking (and they make good cookies).

Olivia who lives in the same room as me (I'll call her Liv from now on) said I had a good presentation and said her room was a source of free hugs. I'm really glad I met Liv. I value the friendship I have with her. She understands what I'm going through, and told me her coping mechanism is music. And this girl is a wonderful musician. Her songs are great and she's funny and awesome.

Ysa, Lynette, Madeline, and a few others also said "good presentation. That was brave of you."

The positive reception I got made me happy for the rest of the day. It told me I was not alone. It reaffirmed that the people I live with are the best, considerate people I can live with. It took a while for me to find that sense of 'community,' but now that I've found it, I love it. I won't be too nervous speaking to them. I don't feel that insecure. To know I have people I can hang out with... That is important to me. More than most people know. I've been feeling like I didn't have any people I could hang out with easily. This, though, encourages me to be more outgoing with those on my floor, talk, and connect with them more.

To the people on my floor, I am nothing but grateful. Thank you, everyone.

Innovations Roadmap #5

Public speaking

Noun

1. The act of delivering speeches in public

2. The art or skill of addressing an audience effectively

TOPIC: Why does public speaking make us nervous? How can we overcome this?

When I looked at the above definition of public speaking, I find my problem with it. I cannot effectively talk to an audience. I freeze up. I stutter. I forget what I’m going to say half the time and end up making up phrases that sound intelligent to fill in the gaps. Essentially, I am ineffective at public speaking.

Why does public speaking make me, as an individual, nervous? I dislike large crowds, with a large crowd ranging from anywhere from ten people to a full auditorium or more. I’m a shy, introverted person and I start to panic when I’m placed under pressure, which public speaking does. Another reason why public speaking makes me nervous is because I’m unused to sharing my opinion and I am afraid of sounding unintelligent. The latter part is something I’ve heard repeated by many of my peers.

We’re afraid of being judged as ‘unintelligent.’ This is relates to a concept my American Institutions professor talked about the first day of class. The words ‘you are smart’ has likely sparked something in our brains that tells us we must be naturally smart, and if something doesn’t come to right away, we must stop it because we have to keep up the appearance of being smart. This desire to appear smart probably inhibits many people from public speaking unless it’s something they know a lot about. No one likes to be criticized, especially if they aren’t used to it. This may be a reason why my generation does not like public speaking. We want to look smart, because all our lives, we’ve been told that is what is going to distinguish us from the rest. It’s not like that, unfortunately. A lot of people are smart. It loops back to the essential question we were asked in class on Wednesday: if you were going to die in ten years, how are people going to remember you? I know I have to get over my fear of public speaking, but it’s not easy to overcome years of mental conditioning, for lack of better words.

One way for me to deal with my nervousness in public speaking is to pick a spot just above an audience member’s head to look at. I look like I’m talking to someone, but I’m not. In a similar vein, I find someone I’m familiar with and pretend like I’m speaking to them. I believe there are other ways to open someone up to public speaking. Taking public speaking classes can be beneficial. It will make someone work towards opening up. Putting someone into these situations can also help, but if not careful, it can induce anxiety in someone. I know that’s happened to me before. Another hugely beneficial tip can be to put yourself into those situations. It can help if the person does public speaking on their own terms. That way, there is little anxiety created by being forced into this position, and the person is training themselves. All of these (minus the class) are something I’ve done in order to become more comfortable with public speaking. It’s taking a while, but I’m becoming more used to it. I’m starting to ignore the little voice in my head that tells me everything I’m saying is stupid. So far, it’s worked! What works for me may not work for everyone else, but having options is always a good thing.

I'm back!

I went MIA for the past week because school is handing me this massive amounts of homework, which I'm responding to with an "I don't care!" That's not the best way to respond, children. Go study.

I finished up a paper for one class and have to work on a presentation for another, in addition to massive amounts of reading from a few other classes. Seventeen credit hours... I'm crazy. I know this. Add my volunteer work (approx. 5 hours a day, twice a week) and social obligations, and I've been swamped. However, I've almost caught up with my work! ...Maybe 'caught up' isn't the best term, because I was never behind to begin with. The more appropriate term would be 'almost finished.' Especially since I'm  knocking out big projects that have been stressing me out.

To deal with the stress and make myself happy again, I've been crocheting. What else would I be doing? Cooking? Yeah, that's not until next Tuesday. I get to make cookies for Nate and send him those, plus another little surprise, for Valentine's Day! No buying chocolate for me! Not until all the chocolate is on sale and I can buy boxes of it to enjoy. But I digress! I've been crocheting away on projects, and I've finished two! Both of them are the blankets for my dogs (mentioned here). I finished the striped blanket an hour ago. I don't have pictures of it as a result. I do have pictures of the star blanket, though.

Caution: staring at the yarn may hurt your eyes.

Now my problem is giving what blanket to which dog! They're both large enough for Chester and likely durable enough to be used in Joey's cage... I guess I'll find out when I go home in March!

I'm very excited to go home in March. It'll be a month away as of Friday. I'm so ready for school to be over. Every student is echoing my sentiments in one way or another.