A few totally awesome WIPs

(And one FO that I never got a good picture of outside of my brother's graduation)

This is the Elder Tree Shawl that I'm making for my mom as a Christmas present. This will be the easier of the two, I think, but longer because of the lace. I'm in love with the design. 

This awesome Hyrule Warriors Scarf is for Nate, as a birthday/Christmas present. Haven't decided which one yet. He's a huge Legend of Zelda fan and he's super excited for the game's release. I'm less excited but still excited because Legend of Zelda! It's become a favorite thing of mine recently (OoT is still escaping my ability to play. though...)

This is the White Russian Skirt. I had some leftover green cotton yarn from a dress I made my mom and decided to try and make this. Unfortunately, the leftover was not enough to make a decent length skirt. Underneath this I'm wearing dance shorts, and obviously you can see the shorts still. I'm trying not to buy any more yarn until I use up what I already have- and that's a lot.

I wanted something to wear to my brother's high school graduation. I needed something that'd go with a red dress, and when I asked for opinions, I got navy blue as an answer most frequently. So, using red heart yarn, I made this. The yarn was super scratchy but it somehow softened up after a few months in my closest. Unfortunately, it wasn't soon enough. It was still a bit scratchy after trying to fix it a few times before the graduation. 

Feelings- might get personal

I've been yo-yo-ing between being really busy with classes and being bored with classes. I guess that's the benefit of taking online classes- you can catch up with all the work and then having nothing to do until the next module opens, and then when you catch up on all your physical class work as a result, it leaves you with nothing. For me, that's a double-edged sword. I actually am one of the rare people who like to be kept busy- whether it's with cooking, or homework, or something, I like having something to do. If it's people related it needs to be done less frequently, but it's still doing something. Boredom makes me think several things, including

1. I'm missing something in my homework/life
2. I finished all my homework fast which means it was either too easy or I screwed up somewhere
3. It makes me extremely restless which makes me more susceptible to darker thoughts
4. Darker thoughts.

Among other things. It's number 3 and 4 that get me. Because I've had low self-esteem issues for my whole life, I've taken to heart slightly toxic things as a child, and started having more mental problems in college. Although I've been working to get over it, and I've had some friends who've supported me, I still fall prey to thoughts of worthlessness and loneliness and sadness. 

And today, there was an event that made me feel absolutely unwanted. A burden. The feeling is unjustified, I'm sure, but when I've had these problems for so long, it's almost too easy to fall into the same rut again. I realized that some people may actually view me as a burden, holding back their lives, despite previous promises from their mouths that they'd help me in certain aspects. That I'm unwanted because of this. That I have no friends (this is absolutely false but in this certain environment it feels like it) who'd be there for me if I needed it. That no one needs me. And as someone who feels like all she's good for as a friend is to be there and listen and be needed, the feeling of not being needed sucks. 

So I'm sitting here rambling trying to sort my feelings out and hoping that writing keeps the demons away for a bit longer. 

Comic Con

"But Jess!" you say, looking at the title, "Comic Con was a few months ago!"

I know it was! I went to the one in Salt Lake, not San Diego. Cheaper and closer. Win-win situation. Except maybe not in SDCC's eyes.

But here's what happened on the three days I got to experience a Comic Con. Basically, it reminded me of an anime convention, but instead of just anime, there were more cosplays and booths and such related to comics, books, games, and so on. Basically the little girl in me was like "OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS" and the adult girl in me was like "OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS AND GAMES."

But that was when we got in.

Getting in was a problem on Thursday. There seemed to be a lot of miscommunication going on. Volunteers didn't seem to know what line was what, and everyone in line was either angry, confused, or both. Angry confused people are not fun. Basically what it boiled down to was the line I wanted in for approximately 3-4 hours was for gold/vip members, and any general admission people who had waited in that line had to leave and go to ANOTHER line and wait LONGER. Luckily I wanted in the right line. But then, once Nate and I got in, we waited ANOTHER 1-2 hours because we chose the line where every once in a while, one of the two people helping had to turn and help the handicapped. The line moved infinitely slow because of that, while the line directly to my left moved fast. It didn't help there were two "VIP registrations" and two general "VIP" signs. I don't think there was a difference, in hindsight. On Thursday, I missed EVERYONE I wanted to see because of that line. I couldn't see Cary Elwes, Johnny Yong Bosch, or Jason David Frank. I got a three day pass and in actuality only really spend 2 and a half days because of having to wait in line. I got lucky, though. Some people didn't even get tickets.

Friday, though, was fun! I got a new shirt with Charmander Shepard. My second favorite Pokemon combined with my favorite game character. I also bought 6 patches to put on hats and scarves. I'm so excited for those!

Zelda, Portal, Mass Effect, Firefly, and Pacific Rim

I saw Vic Mignogna (whose name I surprisingly spelled right the first time), and he was just a joy to watch. He's probably my favorite American male voice actor, and I love his upbeat attitude. I really needed to hear some of the things he said. I saw him already at an anime convention in Vegas, but this just made me happier because he was in a different setting and got different (and in my opinion, cooler) questions. I also got to chill with my friends David and Christian for a bit. I dressed up as Syfy channel's Hatter, but a female version, not the Andrew Lee Potts version.

Then Saturday everything started off kind of awfully. Nate got food poisoning from the dinner he made the day before- oh no! I had to go to a work meeting, so I basically fretted beforehand and told him if absolutely ANYTHING changed he needed to let me know. I can't do sick people. But he got better after my meeting. Don't let anyone tell you naps are useless. He took a 15 minute nap and felt infinitely better afterwards. So we went a little later than we could've, but that's fine. He was okay! We walked around the floor for a bit after checking out the line to see John Barrowman. Then we went back into line and oh my god was that line long. When Nate and I were at the front, waiting to get in, we talked quickly and decided that since two chairs next to each other weren't likely not going to happen, the next time a single seat open up, I'd go, then he'd go. we'd be separated, but we'd see John Barrowman.

I love the man, let me tell you. He is funny and witty and handsome and intelligent and all sorts of things. I'm so glad I got to see him in person at least once. I am likely not going to forget the story of the girl who tried to start a Gay-Straight Alliance at her school and asked John Barrowman for help, and he told her make it peaceful. And even though the girl had graduated, she said that a GSA had been made, thanks to some help from John Barrowman. He also responded with wit to a girl saying that Stephen Amell (the panelist before him and the main star of the show Arrow) said his knees still hurt. John Barrowman goes "well maybe he shouldn't have been on them that long," which sent the entire hall into laughter. The true story, he then explained, was that in a scene in season 1, when the Dark Archer is beating the crap out of Oliver Queen (Stephen Amell), he's supposed to kick him through a wall and then kick the crap out of him. JB is wearing steel-capped boots.

You know where this is going. 

While wearing those boots, he kicks SA through the wall and starts kicking him. He kicks so hard at SA's knees that he actually hurt him. And JB felt so bad afterwards. 

But Saturday, for the awful start it had (for Nate), turned out to be fun. I really enjoyed it, and I enjoyed hanging out with Nate and David and just wandering the halls and attending panels. I do admit, watching the pilot episode of Z Nation (Syfy's newest series) made me realize exactly how big of a nerd I am for planning out my zombie apocalypse plan. The zombie apocalypse isn't going to happen for several reasons (to see most of them summed up, go watch Neil deGrasse Tyson "The Killjoy of Science"). I criticized Z Nation not for the stereotypes it plays into, but for the unrealistic zombies. Unrealistic zombies. Zombies aren't even real, Jess. They may not be, but they can follow certain rules and Z Nation did NONE OF THEM.

And unfortunately I'm back into school. Oh no. Busy school.