Learn to dance.
Go hiking.
Hang out with friends.
Is it because I've got a ton of free time now? No restraints? Or is it because I've got great friends who are willing to do these things with me?
My friends from my dorm last year showed compassion and kindness when I had my problem back in... January? February? It seems like ages ago, truthfully. They showed they cared. That I could confide in others. It's okay to.
After saying "pft, nah, I'm too tired" several times during spring, I finally went to the frisbee club on campus for summer. Why did I say I was too tired? I had played volleyball just before it. And sometimes, I just didn't feel it. But I finally went, because I had free time and I was curious. I warned my friend and those there, "I can't throw. I can kind of catch. Not sure how much help I'll be." They said it's okay. I had such a blast that first day I went back. And kept going back, every Friday and Sunday, because the people there- those I already know and the people I don't- are cool. They're a community.
One day we played in the rain. It was awesome. Also, it was cold. But mostly awesome.
The people in frisbee helped bring out the extrovert in me, I'm almost positive. That first day, I spoke to complete strangers with ease. That rarely happens. I'm proving myself and I don't need to put forth effort. It just happens. I showed I'm tough. It came from playing with no one but boys for three years. I was a tomboy and still kind of am. I can take a hit. Take karate for 4+ years with nothing but guys (there was a girl for a few months every once in a while), and you learn to take a hit fast. I gained a reputation in my karate class for being a fierce grappler. It got to the point where no one would want to spar or grapple with me. I've also got a mean kick. Two of the funniest moments I remember was caused by three people- me, my brother, and a guy named Tyler. I'll elaborate on that some time.
That was a tangent. Point is, the frisbee guys make me feel at ease and make me feel that I can be myself. For once, I don't feel bad I look scary (that's another story). It helps in frisbee. And so does perseverance. Let me tell you, frisbee helps me burn off a lot of extra energy. A few times, I've gone swimming just before frisbee and still had the energy to run around, block, and yell. I've got a lot of energy these days, and I've got an acceptable medium to use it. To tell the truth, I look forward to frisbee every week. I'm hate missing it. The one time I thought I'd miss it because of work and a photography assignment, I expressed my dislike of it to Jonathan (the aforementioned friend). Turns out I didn't miss it because not enough people could come to my photography assignment. Doesn't matter, because everyone at frisbee is an awesome subject.
As for hiking... That came out with my dorm friends from last year. Our friend was going on a mission and we decided to go on a hike. I deliberately did not ask how difficult it was, because if I knew, I would've balked. It's a good thing I didn't ask. We were climbing, not hiking. I'd never gone on a hike before. I also have a fear of heights in certain situations, and that was one of those situations. After telling my friends, they helped me up the mountain, then back down. I got scratched up, abused by rocks, and felt sick several times, but I made it.
And it was amazing.
I hated hiking. Now, as long as I'm with friends, it's enjoyable. I'm not going to go on that particular hike within the next month or so (I couldn't swim for a week, everything was sore), I'm willing to go with people when they say, "Hey, I'm going on a hike." I find I want to start a group hike. I'm actually going to go on a sunset hike a little later. I actually started this one.
All this leads me to think... I'm going to be a Resident Adviser for first year Honors students in a few months. A couple of months ago, I kept joking, "I'm going to be the worst RA, I'm so shy, I hate meeting new people and talking to people," and so on. Now, I feel like I can be a good RA. I'm willing to meet new people, willing to talk. Good timing, am I right?
Summer must be the time for change. I feel good about myself. I feel like me. I can express myself and for every person that doesn't like me, I've someone who does.
It's an awesome feeling.
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