Hello, everyone! Sorry about not writing. I got slammed with school, depression and doctors appointments, job, and moving out of my apartment to move back onto my college campus.
It's 2015 and I'm determined to make it a new beginning for me. I've been around some toxic people (which kind of triggered this recent down for depression). I'm determined to stop interacting with the toxic people unless absolutely necessary and to hang out more with the people I consider my friends. Luckily, two live on campus, one lives off-campus but I'm planning on going to use her house more often, and two more live closer to campus but not on campus. Those are the five I feel close to. There are some people who aren't as close but I feel better around them than with the toxic people.
Now why did I say "unless absolutely necessary" instead of keeping it at nothing? The reason is that a majority of these toxic people are at my job. I love this job a lot. Or used to, anyway. Recently, I've been feeling left out of work functions. Everyone gets along but me. And that may be because one of the toxic people in my life is the assistant manager at my job. Everyone is friends with this person. And let me tell you the majority of the people at my job love to gossip. I feel like the assistant manager and these people have been talking about me behind my back. Today, at job training, I found out that at some point everyone planned to go to the pizza place near school. I heard them talking about it, but no one asked me to go or if I had heard about it, and I asked no one because I learned a long time ago not to ask people about invitations because unless I am explicitly invited, I assume my presence is unwanted. I keep trying to reason it out as "no, I was at training for my other new job and they probably planned it while I was at that training. They probably just assumed that I knew I was invited and I assumed I wasn't invited and that's why I didn't go." But at the same time, this tiny voice keeps saying, "No one likes you, that's why they didn't invite you. If they wanted you there, someone would've asked you before everyone left if you were going or texted you and asked you why you weren't there with them." And I want to disprove that voice so badly but I am not on the best terms with these toxic people. The thought popped into my head in the past day or two to maybe quit this job if it doesn't get better. If I continue to feel left out and alone, I need to either take a long break from this job or quit completely. And I don't want to quit, but it may be best for me.
I've got a new job at the same facility as my first job, and this time it's as a facility manager for the building. I'm very excited for it. I get to be very hands-on and get leadership experience and experience managing a large exercise facility. I'm very excited for this facility, not only as an employee, but as a guest. It is brand-new and beautiful. I used it today (employees got to use it first!) and I'm in love with it. I'm excited to do my new exercise thing of weights and swimming and biking and maybe a Latin dance or ballroom class. If I can gain more muscle, I would be grateful. I'm not going to push for it, but if it happens along the way, I'll be happy. But I'm so excited for this new job of mine. The only problem I'll have is not being able to eat during my shifts. My metabolism is kind of fast and I eat smaller meals, so I need to eat relatively frequently. We'll see what happens.
I'm going to create a paper with my resolutions (only two right now) and the reward I'll get for doing those resolutions. They are small and manageable. The first is to write a page a day of a story I'm working on and would like to publish eventually. The second is to stick to my workout schedule. I'm willing to be flexible for that because life happens. I may get sick, my depression may hit again, etc. I just need to roll with it and work with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment